What if They Don't Like REDs?
I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea
The people who matter will stick around and get to know me and celebrate my unique RED strengths that I bring to the table
One of the most frequent questions I get asked is about the fear of not being liked. REDs can be a tough crowd and don’t exude the warmth and merriness of the YELLOWs, or the safe and caring vibes of GREENs. The truth is – it kind of sucks. I try to remember 1. You cannot control how anyone decides to feel about you, 2. It’s much worse to walk around being inauthentic to who you are. I don’t mean throwing away all social and self-awareness, be true to who you are and know other people may have opinions.
You know the moment when you meet a partner’s friends for the first time and it’s a high pressure but ‘be chill situation’ – really, you desperately want them to sing your praises? I’ve had the terrible crashing moment being told their feedback was “she is a bit standoffish”, “comes off as cold” and “kind of unapproachable”. Yikes! I’ve heard “you were really scary and intimidating when I first met you” on repeat, like a broken record from various coworkers who eventually got to know me. I’ve seen the dismayed look on my boyfriend’s mother’s face when she sees the traditional caregiver support role she envisioned for her boy slip away. These are only a few examples of so many times when I’ve had to deal my first interactions being met with resistance. My knee-jerk reaction is to laugh it off and shrug like it’s totally fine.
As a RED manager, I’ve experienced team members struggling under my management style and eventually decide to leave or switch groups. It always feels a personal failure when work-related interpersonal issues come up. However, as a manager of any sort (not just REDs), newsflash – not everyone is going to love your working style. It is not your team’s job to like you, it is their job to respect you. With new team members, I try to be up front about who I am, what makes me tick, deal breakers and my personal brand. You are 100% allowed to be unapologetic about certain elements of what you believe in, as long as you can look back and stand by your actions and behaviors.
The logical bottom line is that I know I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Being a RED can make immediate connection especially hard and remain difficult long after first impressions. Voicing my opinions and never backing down from hard conversations earn a certain ‘edge’ to my personal brand. I will never be the easy-going, go-with-the-flow kind of gal that often makes someone immediately likeable. Truthfully, it doesn’t matter if you are a GREEN, YELLOW or BLUE, it’s impossible for everyone to like everyone. Throughout the years, it hasn’t got any easier every time I hear negative commentary about my personality. It always feels personal and like little stabs into the core of who I am as a person. I am often left feeling misinterpreted and misread. In these moments I try to remember that it’s okay for people not to connect with me and to stay authentic in my interactions. I remind myself that the people who matter will stick around and get to know me and celebrate my unique RED strengths that I bring to the table.
