COVID Companionship
Seeking: End of World Partner
In this new world of distancing, cautious friends and limited contact with humans, I have never craved human presence more
Nine months ago, I posted a story on Instagram joking about “seeking an end of world partner”. In hindsight, that wasn’t the worst idea. I have always been extremely independent and enjoyed the freedom of living on my own. However, in this new world of distancing, cautious friends and limited contact with humans, I have never craved human presence more. Over the past several months I have become acutely aware of this new, strong feeling of ‘aloneness’. As a RED-YELLOW extrovert, I knew I got my energy from other people, but it made me investigate my current craving for companionship. This manifested itself as a strong desire to experience physical closeness with another, along with a sense of shared connection, intimacy and togetherness.
My new normal work day is spent alone from 7:30am until 5:30pm in the same limited condo space as I am meant to relax in. I spend on average five hours a day on camera on Zoom/Teams calls and it does nothing to curb my need for real human interaction. Blurry floating heads on a screen does very little to replace in-office interactions and in-person meetings. I started going to coffee shops when restrictions began to lift and being near other living, breathing strangers eased some of the loneliness. Much to the annoyance of people on the other end of my calls, hearing the coffee machine whirring in the background became a source of comfort.
The lockdown accelerated an unexpected relationship to a sort of ‘COVID crutch’. We blinked and the casual relationship had turned into nine months. I quickly started looking forward to taking calls from his office, late night snacks and waking up next to someone – basically being in a space that also occupied another human. When the relationship ended I felt heartsick and lost for many weeks because I had lost my companion. The uncomfortable feeling of loneliness returned with a vengeance. I know my “love language” is “words of affirmation” from Gary Chapman’s “5 Love Languages”, but as I reflect back, the pandemic has drastically bumped up my need for “physical touch”. This is something I can only get by being in the presence of another. Insert a temporary end of world partner?
I started to question if my great need for companionship was real. I considered that I may be running from something bigger and using my socialization need to escape. As a RED, I can usually tame these emotional fires and convert my discomfort into new life goals to solve the issue at hand. This feeling couldn’t be fixed. Bottomline is that people need people. Being a RED-YELLOW extrovert is just as real as introverts needing to recharge by being alone. Being on the far end of the extrovert scale has led to an extreme amplification of my need to be around others, especially during a lockdown. I had someone remind me that I don’t have to have this figured out – this pandemic is f*cked up and no one has the answer on how to deal with this ‘correctly’.
During a powerful yin yoga class my instructor reminded me that I may feel lonely, but I am not alone. Neither are you.
