I am a Fixer

It is not my job to fix anybody

I am a fixer – I immediately see people for their fullest future potential instead of who they are in the present

Everyone has a friend that constantly dates broken and lost souls with the hope that one day they will see the light and change. Everyone has seen that friend try and fail over and over again - that friend is, me. I don’t actively or consciously attach myself to individuals needing guidance, but I can’t stop myself from trying to fix situations, generate motivation and try my hardest to get people to reach their fullest potential. As a RED, I like to have control over every situation and fixing people is one of my natural tendencies.

A few years ago, I noticed a close friend start to settle in life. In my eyes, I saw him settle for the first girl who gave him a moment of time. I saw him settle for the first job he landed. I saw him settle for a mediocre suburb life filled with very few things that brought him true joy. It was like watching a ship sink slowly over time. I tried the pep talks, motivational speeches, sent links to promising job postings and application forms to apply for further education – nothing worked. Frustration consumed me and I could not figure out how someone with so much ambition earlier in life decided to give up on their goals and dreams. I saw my friend actively choosing not to live up to his fullest potential.

Earlier in my career I had a colleague who started shortly after me and we worked closely on projects together over the years. We endured the same challenges and late nights at the office, but she didn’t seem to have the same drive. We put in the same number of hours but when comparing the final product of our efforts, the results were vastly different. Many of us experienced advancement, and soon the juniors were surpassing her. I tried informal conversations to figure out what motivated her and how she could use her strengths to stand apart. As I steadily climbed the ranks, I delegated new and interesting initiatives to her in an attempt to motivate her. Yet again, I was met with a flat line of complete disinterest.

These are just two examples in a heap of situations where I autopilot to ‘fixing’. There are plenty of other cases in the workplace, within relationships, and with friends going through hardships. I want to take control and create an action plan to help make things better. When did I become a fixer? According to a conversation with my mother, I have always been like this (whether my help is wanted or not). I spend far too much energy and time thinking about how I can get people to see my point of view and reach higher to move onward and upward. I struggle to see people as they are in the present moment. I immediately begin forward thinking to the potential they have for the future. I often chose dating partners based on the person I can see them becoming, rather than who they are at the present.

The goal to stop ‘fixing’ is ongoing and I am not always aware when I am doing this. It’s as natural to me as breathing. I recently challenged myself to let things happen and meet people with empathy and compassion rather than an action plan. I am a RED fixer by nature, but it is not my job to fix people.