Support in Shades of RED
GREEN versus RED support
Support looks different on a RED, but don’t let it fool you into thinking they don’t care
REDs and GREENs are on complete opposite sides of the personality spectrum. GREENs tend to be natural supporters that make gentle communication look easy. I’ve always struggled with the concept of ‘support’ in a way that most people need. REDs can be fiercely independent – almost to a fault. I think of myself and how I would fix a situation before I consider what the other person may need. This is often misinterpreted as selfishness or insensitivity. REDs love to take control of situations, especially in crisis mode.
Throughout life, I quickly learned how to handle less-than-ideal situations on my own. I knew my own power and control at an early age. I am very comfortable being fully independent and fixing my own problems. This morphed into a realization I could also use my powers of organization, strong will and determination to help guide others. Thus, my immediate reaction to someone in crisis mode or in a sad state of mind is to fix it instead of active listening, leaving silence for thoughtful introspection, and responding with empathy.
A close friend expressed extreme concern with our friendship due to my lack of apparent support in a very sensitive situation. In that moment, among many others in my life, I wished so badly I was GREENer or possessed more of the natural GREEN tendencies. I felt overwhelming shame for my quick reactions, endless questioning and seemingly pushy tone. I quickly descended into a spiral of negative thoughts about how terrible I was as a supporter to the people I cared about the most. All the self-awareness and social awareness work I had done over the past years flew out the window at a moment I needed it the most. The guilt infected all my thoughts until I realized that my reaction in crisis mode didn’t make me a bad person. Support from a RED shows up very differently than a GREEN, but it is unquestionably of equal magnitude in terms of how much they care.
I’ve learned that support looks different from a RED perspective. They don’t often talk in calming tones, exercise patience or think before they speak. However, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. They care so much that they want to help fix the situation and do anything to ease the frustration. Whether it’s a strength or weakness, I need a plan of action to feel like I am being useful. Of course, I will continue my path of self-awareness, but I must gently remind myself that I am showing support in my own way. There is no one correct way to show up for someone in their time of need, all that matters is that you are there.
